Festival Etiquette

Posted: June 19, 2015 in Live Music, Music Culture, Music Festivals
Tags: , ,

Summer is the time for music festivals. The great outdoors, the sunshine, the fresh air – all perfect conditions in which to enjoy some live music. I’ve already been through the types of people you see in the crowd at a concert, so here’s a look at the unique characters you may come in contact with at festivals.

Dehydrates – young teens who love the idea of getting hammered on $18 beers in the dead heat, while watching their favourite band tear it up on the outdoor stage. Here’s a tip for you guys – drink some damn water. Otherwise, you will either faint, puke, get the spins or all of the above. It’s not rocket science and you don’t need to be a mature 30-year-old to understand this concept. Water is the new beer, kids, water is the new beer.

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Loyalists  – these guys are hard core. They’ve likely come to the festival specifically to see the headliner. So they come super early, park themselves at the front of the crowd and stay there the whole day, watching band after band after band they don’t care about perform. They stand a lot. It’s hard for them to get food/water because then they’ll lose their place. They’re on a mission and are pretty successful – caution to anyone who tries to squeeze in front of them.

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Recorders – having an SLR camera with an tripod doesn’t make you cool. Having/using a selfie stick will only cause injury when used in a crowd of thousands. Recording an entire set with your smartphone ruins the experience for anyone standing behind you because all they see is your phone screen – so put it away. Here’s a thought: try actually absorbing the experience instead of documenting it. If you take a minute away from hashtagging, I’m sure your 2 Twitter followers will understand.

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Water Hose Guy – I’m not sure if this guy is hired by the festival, or is just some random fan. His role is to take it upon himself to determine when the crowd needs to be soaked by a current of cold water spewing out of a ginormous garden hose. Girls squeal excitedly, boys cheer because what’s better than being in wet clothes for the rest of the day? (note the sarcasm). Why is this guy allowed to decide when people need to be drenched?

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Anti-Hygienics – okay, so I get that being in the summer heat all day can be taxing on the body. I get that sweat happens; that it’s inconvenient to bring a toothbrush with you; that you have no other choice but to use outhouses. But that doesn’t mean you abandon all sense of hygiene. Take a shower before coming; brush your teeth in the morning and bring gum/mint to freshen you up during the day. For the love of God, use hand sanitizer. There’s already enough body odour floating around, why must you add yourself to the mix?

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Hippies – generally female, I use the term “hippies” loosely because no one who attends festivals are actual hippies: they were all born in the wrong decade. They prance around with their braided hair, ultra high-waisted denim mom shorts, flower crowns, crop tops and complete lack of common sense.

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Hipsters – generally male, they sport thick beards, skinny pants, vintage kicks, and of course, large-frame glasses. They’re there to be cool, but they don’t care about being cool, so they’re just there ironically. They’re not actually enjoying themselves, but just came along to make fun of the whole experience, whilst documenting the entire thing on Instagram.

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